For the Reluctant Ones
As always, people’s varying feelings and thoughts about entering a new year on social media are intriguing. Some are excited and ready to “cannonball” right in, either out of a desire to build on the momentum of a great 2023 or to escape their 2023 downfall. Others speak of goal setting with such indifference it’s easy to question their sincerity. Though entering a new year with sober realism is wise, could their comments be a shadow of their defense mechanisms? Then, there are the reluctant, standing on the side of the pool, scared to jump in. Sure, 2024 is already going, but they don’t know if they should give in to its pull to hope again for new beginnings that lead to lasting change.
At the start of 2023, they expectantly set goals only to have them derailed by events outside of their control. Throughout the year, they experienced more setbacks than setups for their comeback. They are still waiting for prayers lifted on bended knees to be answered. So, they are reluctant. Afraid to hope.
Me too.
2023 was by far one of the most challenging years of my adult life. I rank it at number two, right after 2014, when my father passed away, followed by 2020. There was so much loss. Friendship Loss. Familial Loss. Financial Loss. Opportunity Loss. And the loss of one of my closest friends’ mom, who I affectionately referred to as my North Carolina mom.
Oh, how I miss her reassuring hugs and effervescent spirit.
In addition to grief, 2023 was filled with chronic fatigue from years of over-functioning and with constant conflict from trying to do the hard work of growing out of it.
But I think what left me disoriented the most was God commanding me to push pause on everything–social media, podcasting, writing for projects with my name attached, speaking engagements, and a pending book deal. Didn’t He put these dreams in my heart? Didn’t He give me these gifts for His glory and His people? Didn’t He see that the train was moving in the trajectory He had called it? Why the abrupt stop?
Here’s what I didn’t understand then but I get now: When my life feels out of control, I can make an idol of ministry, looking to it for my identity, security, self-worth, and joy. Pushing pause forced me into awareness of this tendency and invited me to come to terms with the reality that I am not in control of anything. Not one single thing. While I know it’s been said and mostly agree “that there are things outside and inside our control,” I have found that what’s inside our control is inconsistent. What variables may be inside my control today may very well be outside my control tomorrow. My control is not enduring.
So, here I stand at the edge of the pool, with this new information, timid to jump in. Fearful of setting goals. Scared to return to the work, I’m still sure God has called me, tempted to trade faith for safety. Reluctant to hope again for new beginnings that lead to lasting change.
However, there is something–Someone who compels me to jump in.
Though 2023 was by far one of the most challenging years to endure, it was also by far one of the years where I experienced God’s presence the most. His presence endured. In my grief and confusion, He was near. When I was angry and followed my anger into sin, He never left my side. He was my Shepherd in the valleys filled with conflict, loss, and death. Like an attentive and patient parent, He stayed close, waiting for me to relinquish my idols and surrender to His endearing love.
He was there.
Emmanuel.
God with us.
God with me.
God with you.
Selah
Beloved, how was God with you last year? How was He present with you in the valleys you found yourself? How did He carry you through? If you’re having trouble locating His presence in the darkness of last year, please know you’re not alone. Sometimes, our feelings hide all the facts. Here are a few exercises that may help bring His goodness into view:
Identify Your People: Friendships are God’s gift for the journey from here to eternity. Even if you, like me, lost some friends this past year, take time to celebrate the ones who remain. Here are some questions to help you identify and celebrate God’s gift of friendships:
Of your friends who consistently showed up for you last year?
What friendships endured hardship and conflict?
Who did God use to speak a word of encouragement or correction to you when you needed it?
What new or old friendships are you taking into the new year?
Review Your 2023 Photos: We tend to take pictures of the good stuff. Let your photo gallery remind you of the days when your heart felt lighter, and you felt cute enough to take a selfie. Let these moments remind you of God’s goodness and faithfulness to you through good meals, refreshing time spent with family and friends, and the days when you were able to come out of the darkness long enough to celebrate with others. Even consider the moments you failed to capture because you were having so much fun or were too present to be bothered with your phone.
Make a List of What You Learned: Make a list of the lessons you learned in 2023 that you will take with you in 2024 and all the years following.
While these memories and lessons learned don’t diminish the pain you experienced in 2023, I hope they remind you that God was near and fill you with hope as we start a new year. But not hope in your ability to accomplish goals. Instead, hope in knowing that whatever lies ahead, God will be near.
Though the future may be uncertain, we need not be reluctant. Our God is near.
Emmanuel.
God with us.
God with me.
Passages of Scripture for Further Reflection: Psalm 130, Psalm 131, and Acts 17:24-27
