How To: Confront A Friend About Sin

I know Auntie Tab (Tabitha Brown) got us all out here saying, ”Cuz, that's my business.” And yes, it’s your business if you want to go vegan, cut off all your hair, or wear Adidas and Nike at the same time, but it becomes our (collective) business when you gossip, cuss out your neighbor, have sex with your boyfriend or cheat on your wife. 

Sin is Never Individual

Sin is never individual. Even the sin you think don't affect others, does. 

Consider ol’ boy Achan from Joshua 7. 

Israel goes to war. The Lord gives them victory (Judges 6).

Achan was obviously by himself, otherwise, someone would’ve stopped him. But homeboy “minding his own business” sees a beautiful cloak, five pounds of silver, and a bar of gold (Joshua 7:21). He covets in his heart and decides to take it for himself. He puts it in his satchel, takes it to his tent, and buries it under his plot of land. 

Israel goes out for another war that they are confident they are going to win. They even say, “Hey, we don’t need everybody. Let’s just take a couple of thousand men. We should be good. Plus, we got God on our side. So, we’re definitely good. (Joshua 7:3-5).” 

But, they weren’t good. Thirty-six men were lost and the Bible says that “as a result, the people lost heart (Joshua 7:5).” Joshua is confused. He tore his clothes in public. The people are depressed. All because Achan thought that taking the spoils from their previous victory was “just his business.” He had no idea that Israel would be impacted by his sin. None. He also didn’t know the tragedy that would come to his own household. Not only him, but his sons, his daughters, his ox, his donkey, sheep, tent, all that he had was stoned and burnt up. 

Though his sin was his own, it was not individual. In the prefix of the story, the narrator says Israel, as a whole, was unfaithful because of Achan’s actions. 

Your sin and the sin of your brother or sister is never individual. As Christ’s body, we are in an interdependent relationship with one another. If my friend's marriage fails, it impacts my view of marriage. If I’m out on the internet showing my self-righteous tail, that not only affects my witness but yours as well. When you’re gossiping to your friend and defaming someone’s character, you are tempting your friend to judge that person right alongside you. When you watch pornography in the dark by yourself, you dishonor the humanity of the people on the screen and you probably wake up with a bad attitude because of the shame you feel. 

Sin is never individual.

Accountability

Therefore, as Christians, we need to be looking out for one another and confront each other about our sin. It’s called ACCOUNTABILITY. 

Now, we throw this word “accountability”‘around a lot, but what does it actually mean?

Let’s start with what it’s not. Accountability isn’t running up on someone telling them they need to get their life together or just pointing all your fingers at what they are doing wrong.

Accountability is: 

(1) Holding someone responsible for their profession of faith. We don’t need to be shy in confronting our friends about sin because we are simply holding them accountable to the faith they profess. Accountability in holiness and growing in Christlikeness is not for the unbeliever, but the believer. It’s completely unproductive to do this with an unbeliever, but with a believer our questions of accountability hold weight because we are simply holding up a mirror and reminding them of who they are in Christ. It’s saying, “Hey girl, ‘have you not heard? Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost?’” It’s calling others to be who they are in Christ. Not who they are called to be, but who they ARE. In Christ, they are a new creature therefore they live life differently than the world. In Christ, they are brothers and sisters with other believers, therefore, they handle conflict and forgive. This is accountability. 

(2) Coming alongside a person to help them say “no” to sin and “yes” to Christ. It’s coaching them when they get off course, helping them find their way back to truth, serving them through prayer and on-call support when the temptation gets heavy, encouraging them when they are experiencing victory, and reminding them of the gospel when they aren’t. Accountability doesn’t just say what needs to be said, offers well wishes, and walks away. It stays and asks, “how can I help?,” “What can we do together to help you experience victory in this area?” It makes their sin our business.